


Liability

by LanieDawn



Series: Melodrama [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Lots of Cursing, Modern AU, Past Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Self-Hatred, Songfic, This is NOT a happy story., This is not a story for Echo fans, Two Shot, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 12:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15818709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LanieDawn/pseuds/LanieDawn
Summary: “Took you long enough Clarkey, I’ve been calling you for like a half hour,” Raven’s head turned and ran up and down Clarke before her expression softened.With a soft breath, she turned her upper body to Clarke, “Hey –“ There was something about her tone that brought tears to Clarke’s eyes again, and the blonde turned her face to the light in the ceiling – desperate not to let them escape.“Clarke – hey, no. Don’t cry,” The brunette had stood and grabbed Clarke’s hand, slowly dragging her to the sofa, “Com’ere, shh.”With that, Clarke curled herself around her friend and let the sobs wrack her body. She wasn’t even sure what she said, words choked by tears, while her friend pet her wet curls and stroked her arms – trying desperately to soothe her.TLDR; Clarke's actions finally catch up with her.





	1. Poison

**Author's Note:**

> Almost a year and a half later, this took a much darker turn than I expected it to - 
> 
> Here's Part Two.  
> Inspired by Liability by Lorde.
> 
> Unbeta'd and probably needs editing, but with my first inspiration in a year - I had to get this up before I chickened out.  
> Pretty short, but the conclusion to part two should be up within a week.

                There was light streaming through the windows when Clarke was able to drag herself out of bed. A cursory glance to the nightstand told her that it was well after three in the afternoon, and she needed to pull herself together if she was going to be able to face anyone over the weekend. She barely felt the carpet beneath her feet when she stood, the sheet falling away from her chest as she stumbled out of her bedroom and into the bathroom of her one-bedroom apartment.

                She purposely avoided the mirror and reached into the tiled shower, nudging the shower curtain aside with her shoulder, and turned the water on as hot as she could tolerate. One hand underneath the stream, Clarke rolled her fingers in the water and fought back the sadness creeping up the back of her throat. Wiping her dry hand across her cheeks, Clarke pulled her body under the scalding flood, not caring about securing her curls away. All she wanted was to scrub the hurt and shame from her body, quickly snatching her loofa and squeezing an ungodly amount of her body wash into the scratchy folds. As she lathered the soap, she felt her chest contract in a sob – unable to handle the emotions coursing through her veins. Bracing herself with one arm against the front of the shower, the blonde scrubbed her body until she couldn’t tell if the red was from the heat of the water or from her efforts.

                When she’d completely erased any trace of him from her skin, Clarke felt the loofa drop from her hands – but she knew that no amount of scrubbing would change how dirty she felt in that moment, how useless. Easing herself to the floor, Clarke let herself cry until the water ran cold.

.o.o.

                At least an hour later, Clarke emerged from the bathroom wrapped in an oversized towel to the sound of pounding at her front door. She patted at her wet curls before taking the few steps around the corner to peer through the peephole. Through the warped, fish-eye lens, Clarke saw the tanned form of Raven leaning – one hand against the doorframe, looking straight into the hole.

                With a heavy sigh, Clarke unlocked the door – surprised that Bellamy had still had her key to lock it behind him. She’d thought he would have gotten rid of it by now. At the hint of movement, the brunette pushed her way into the small apartment, throwing her bag onto the kitchen counter as she passed through into the living room and landing with a huff on Clarke’s sofa.

                “Took you long enough Clarkey, I’ve been calling you for like a half hour,” Raven’s head turned and ran up and down Clarke before her expression softened. With a soft breath, she turned her upper body to Clarke, “Hey –“ There was something about her tone that brought tears to Clarke’s eyes again, and the blonde turned her face to the light in the ceiling – desperate not to let them escape.

“Clarke – hey, no. Don’t cry,” The brunette had stood and grabbed Clarke’s hand, slowly dragging her to the sofa, “Com’ere, shh.”

With that, Clarke curled herself around her friend and let the sobs wrack her body. She wasn’t even sure what she said, words choked by tears, while her friend pet her wet curls and stroked her arms – trying desperately to soothe her. When she’d finally calmed enough that she was only coughing and gasping softly, Raven spoke again, “What happened with Bell baby? Didn’t you get to talk?”

Clarke had thought that hearing his name would bring back the shame and the negative emotions she’d been feeling since he left, but nothing came, so she simply shook her head.

“You didn’t get to talk? Or you don’t want to talk about it?” Raven’s voice was so quiet, so comforting, that Clarke had to pull away. “What’s wrong?” The confusion was mixed with concern, and suddenly Clarke felt sick to her stomach – unable to look at her friend.

Pushing herself off the couch, Clarke stood and readjusted her towel before turning back, noticing the damp patch on the cushions where it had absorbed the water from her towel. Her voice cracked when she tried to speak, hoarse from so much crying, “Rae – I just, I need you to know that none of this is his fault.”

Finally letting her eyes drift to the beautiful brunette’s face, looking at how perfect she looked with her dark hair slicked back into a long ponytail draped over one shoulder – even as Clarke could see Raven trying to work everything out in her head. Raven was always the smartest of her female friends – she was able to make connections and leaps that no one else could. She didn’t know if it was just because the brunette saw more than she let on or if the rest of their friends were willingly oblivious to everything.

“Clarke,” Raven’s voice was slow – deliberate, “That was a long time ago. You had Lexa – He has Echo. What – what happened, after I left last night?” Clarke saw Raven’s eyes close, and her head cock to the side – unwilling to hear what she knew was coming.

“It wasn’t a long time ago Rae, I did something stupid,” Raven’s head had started making slow shakes back and forth as Clarke spoke, “We did something stupid, and Lexa and I had a fight. So Bellamy came over, and we were just talking. And then we weren’t talking anymore, and I was so happy for the first time in so long,” Clarke’s voice was getting stronger, her words more sure as she continued.

“I’ve known how much I loved him, but it was never the right time, and in that moment it just felt so right. But then she came home, and she found us laughing like that – in our bed – and there was so much screaming. I didn’t think she was coming back, I swear. And then she was gone, and then he couldn’t look at me anymore.” The desperation creeped into every syllable, begging her friend to understand. Not to hate her.

When Raven was finally able to make eye contact with Clarke again, the brunettes face had gone from disbelief to hardness, “You told us she left you. You told us all that she went back to Costia.” There was no emotion as Raven spoke, “You lied – to your _friends_ Clarke – because you didn’t want us to know that you two cheated with each other?! What the fuck happened next?”

Raven stood and darted around the couch, snapping her purse off the counter where she’d dropped it not half an hour ago, “Let me guess, Clarke, because I know him. He’s a good man. He told you ‘Never again,’ Right? He said he was happy. That you were sad and he just wanted to you to feel better. Is that right?” Clarke could feel the venom in Raven’s words from across the room, cutting through her like ice, unable to speak she just stared at her friend as she continued, “And then, oh my god Clarke, and then you come to me and Octavia, _his **sister** ,_ moping about the She-Bitch running back to her ex, and him not talking to you – and you say nothing about why you two didn’t talk for weeks. Jesus Christ, Clarke – we all just thought it was something stupid. But this?! Did you bring him here last night?!”

The brunette’s stare was cold as she looked through – not at – Clarke. Clarke kept her eyes anywhere but Raven’s face, ashamed and humiliated. Raven’s last words echoing through the apartment as the door slammed behind her, and Clarke felt herself crumple to the floor.

“You fucking deserve each other.”

.o.o.

                She’s not really sure how long she stayed on the floor, lying there in the fetal position wrapped in nothing but her towel. But when she’d cried herself out, Clarke sat up slowly, her head throbbing. She shuffled back into her – their bedroom – and looked around through tear clouded eyes. Lexa had dutifully erased every piece of her from every surface of the apartment – effectively removing any trace of her from Clarke’s life.

                As she dropped her towel and pulled on clothes haphazardly from whichever drawer she opened, Clarke was startled out of her reverie by her phone ringing. Desperately hoping that it was Raven, selfishly wishing that Raven understood and wanted to apologize for her harsh words, Clarke ran to the nightstand, grabbing the small device with desperate hands.

**_Octavia Blake_ **

                Hands shaking, she felt tears welling again. Blinking them away, Clarke quickly silenced the phone and dropped it to the sheets, backing away from the bed until she was against the wall.

                Hours passed as she heard the phone vibrate with an almost consistent sound as Clarke sat there, back against the wall, her head resting in her shaking hands – unable to face that her life was crumbling around her.

.o.o.

                It was dark when Clarke woke curled up on the floor of her bedroom, with a crick in her neck. As the events of the day slowly came back to her, the blonde felt her curls fall in front of her face again. Running her hands through the tangles, getting stuck every inch or so, the disgust began to bubble up in her chest again. With the slam of her hands to the ground, Clarke used the momentum of her body to stagger towards the bed.

                Hesitantly, she unlocked her phone –

**_Missed Call: Octavia Blake (5)_ **

**_Voicemail: Octavia Black (2)_ **

**_Missed Call: Harper McIntyre (1)_ **

**_Voicemail: Harper McIntyre (1)_ **

**_Missed Call: Bellamy Blake (16)_ **

**_Voicemail: Bellamy Blake (1)_ **

**_Messages (32)_ **

                Clarke felt the tremble come back to her hands as she hit play on the first message from O – so scared what Raven had said – that Raven had told Octavia what she’d done.

 **Octavia:** _“Clarke, what’s going on? Why did Rae just text me like a cryptic idiot? I mean, not to be a bitch but just telling me to call you isn’t really all that helpful. Whatever, batch, call me back soon or I’m just showing up at the apartment. I know where you live. Don’t forget.”_

                Clarke’s heart stopped, hoping that Raven would let Clarke tell her on her own terms. She knew that this wouldn’t go over well, but if Octavia at least heard about this from Clarke the fiery girl would come to forgive her in time. When her fingers were a little steadier, she hit play on the next message.

**Harper:** _“Hey lady, I know me, Jasper and Monty left pretty early last night – just hoping you got home safe. Don’t forget about Trivia on Monday night? See you then!”_

                She knew there were more messages, but the hope was building in her chest, maybe she could redeem herself after all – there had to be a way to make it up to everyone. They’d been friends for years – through so much drama – there had to be a way.

 **Bellamy:** “ _Raven just called. Said you told her everything. I can’t blame you. It was shitty of me to expect, fuck – no, to hope that we’d get over this. But – Jesus Clarke – I love her. I was going to fucking propose, and – No yeah, hang on -I’ll be back in a minute – You know I love you, right Clarke? I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right with her. I – I gotta go. We can try and talk again on Monday. I’ve got to tell Echo before she hears it from anyone else.”_

                Hearing it from him, that he was going to be honest too, it helped – but that didn’t mean that Clarke’s soul didn’t tear a little on this inside. Octavia’s last message was from just an hour ago – hopefully, she hadn’t slept through the girl knocking on the door, though that was unlikely since she was like wildfire. All encompassing and destructive. If O had been at the door, Clarke would have known.

**Octavia:** _“Bell just – I can’t fucking believe you, you toxic fucking bitch. Just – don’t come around anymore.”_

                Suddenly, the tremors were back in her hands, the emotion creeping up her neck and through her face so foreign, that Clarke couldn’t place it. It felt almost like grief – the pain she felt when she first found out about her Dad, about Wells, but different. Because this time, she knew this was all her doing. She had broken this. It took all of Clarke’s being to hit play on the last voicemail – from Bellamy.

**Bellamy:** _“Clarke – no, I’m calling her now, just stop okay – I can fix this. But, God I was so stupid – For so long I thought we were this epic thing, you know? But the truth is that we made the biggest mistake of our lives just by being in this perfect storm of us. But – we’re not kids anymore Clarke. We can’t fool ourselves into being something we’re not. I think I’ve loved you for so long, that – Shut up O, I can handle this – that I wanted so desperately for it to be more than it was. I was in love with you. But there was always someone else for you, you know? So I let go, and I found Echo – and fucking hell – you know she said she understood? She said that I broke her trust, but she’d always known that I loved you. I thought we were done right then –“_

                Clarke felt her breath hitch for the slight pause in his voice before he continued.

**Bellamy:** _“–but I begged, and pleaded, and she gave me another chance. I mean – she threatened to cut my balls off – but that’s to be expected. But Clarke – I can’t. I mean, god this is hard for me to say… but…”_

                The phone jostled for a minute,  and Clarke stared at the device in her hands, waiting, so afraid of what he would say next.

 **Octavia:** _“Just get the fuck out of our lives.”_

                And that was it. The end of it. Clarke’s entire body had begun to shake – she couldn’t look at the texts right then – she knew her heart couldn’t take it. Clarke quickly turned the phone off as she felt the unnamed emotion pull over her entire body. With a scream, Clarke threw her phone at the wall, feeling a small bit of satisfaction with the sound of the crunch against the wall.

                At least she finally figured out what she’d been feeling: self-hatred.

                Clarke had no more tears left to cry – she was empty as she recalled Lexa’s last words before she stormed out of what had been their apartment, “ _Love is weakness._ ” When Clarke’s hand got stuck in her curls yet again after trying to drag her hand through, yet again, she felt something else begin to stir. The anger started in her fingers, and creeped up her arms until Clarke felt her chest flush.

                One hand still tangled in her curls, Clarke stalked to the bathroom. Barely able to look at her own reflection, she pressed down on her curls until she finally looked herself in the eyes, hands trailing down to rest on the countertop, and made a decision. With her hands finally steady, Clarke saw the void in her eyes, and grabbed the scissors from the corner.

                With a clear head for the first time, in what felt like the longest time, Clarke felt the weight of her curls fall off of her shoulders.

               


	2. Disappear into the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy's side of the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bigger beast than I ever intended.  
> Sorry not sorry. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for domestic abuse.

                Bellamy quickly locked the door behind him, leaning against it slowly. He looked down at the key ring in his hand, thumbing the key he’d just pulled out of the lock. Logically, he knew he needed to give it back to Clarke – that he shouldn’t be holding onto it, or onto her. But, there was a part of him that would never stop loving her.

                It’s not as if their relationship had started on any particularly good notes. Quite the opposite – when he’d met Clarke, she had seemed to be like any of the other upper middle-class sorority girls on campus. All smiles, and when the light was behind her, her hair glowed as if she had a halo – but Bellamy would never have admitted to noticing it. He worked his way through school on scholarships and part time jobs and was in his first year of grad school when Octavia started. She’d fought tooth and nail to avoid being on the same campus as him, she desperately wanted her independence – but he’d convinced her after months.

                When she’d pledged to a sorority, he’d thought nothing of it – except how he would find the money each semester to keep her in good standing, and make sure that the part of her tuition not covered by her scholarships was paid. But Bellamy worked his ass off to make sure that she never had to feel that strain. He wasn’t surprised when her pledge was accepted – anyone would be lucky to take his spitfire sister (and hopefully devote that energy to something productive…) but at her first mixer, Bellamy was surprised to see the golden-haired girl at her side.

                He remained relatively impartial until the moment she’d introduced Clarke as her “Big Sister.”

                He’d worked tooth and nail since his was sixteen to make sure that both he and Octavia had been able to go to a decent college, get a good education, and graduate with little to no debt. In his head, he knew that “Big/Little” was a sorority tradition – that it wasn’t personal – but the awe that O had looked at Clarke with? Pissed him off.

                He couldn’t help himself. The antagonism between them started in that minute. But he could never deny the good that Clarke brought into Octavia’s life. Octavia made her own friends in Monty Green and Jasper Jordan (who decided he was in love with his little sister in their Chemistry shared Chemistry class,) and Clarke had given her something that Bellamy never could – sisterhood and camaraderie.

                He’d always thought, ‘ _My sister, my responsibility,’_ but it was now abundantly clear that Octavia could be responsible for herself. And he resented the pretty Princess for doing that. Bellamy would be the first to admit that he was a jealous person – that he was possessive of the people in his life. Up until this point he’d never seen that as a bad thing.

                Shaking himself out of the past, Bellamy pushed himself off of Clarke’s front door, and slowly started walking towards the stairs – away from _his_ Princess. Because, she couldn’t be his anymore. He’d told himself the first time he slept with her that it was a mistake, that it only happened because they were both upset about respective fights with their significant others. But when Lexa had walked in on them together – Bellamy’s heart dropped. There was no denying the plea in Clarke’s voice when she tried to explain to Lexa, to keep her from leaving. That was the moment that Bellamy knew Clarke would never be his.

                So, he’d gone straight to Echo’s apartment. He apologized and told her everything that had happened. Echo had held him, so stoic as he told her about his infidelity – and he couldn’t even look her in the eyes. When he was finished, Echo had put her hands on either side of Bellamy’s face, looked him dead in the eye, and said slowly, “I trusted you. You told me it was nothing, that the two of you were just friends. And you broke that trust. But you know what’s worse? You fooled yourself into thinking you meant something to her!”

Echo let out a low laugh as she continued, “But you know what the saddest part is? She was never yours, Bellamy. I’ve told you as much so many times before – but you’re mine. If this happens again?” She moved her lips close to his ear, and whispered, “ _I’ll destroy both of you.”_

                And he’d been the pillar of virtue since. Granted, Echo had gone out of the way to make sure that Bellamy had seen very little of Clarke, though the few times she had tried to speak badly of the blonde, Bellamy told her that Clarke was family – mistakes or not, that you forgive family. And in return, Bellamy threw himself into their relationship, doing whatever it took to make her happy. Even so far as going to that stupid company lake retreat with Echo (and, it still mentally pained him to remember getting in to that freezing lake water,) instead of with Clarke and Raven to the rare book signing for George R.R. Martin that Clarke’s doctor mother had somehow been able to get them tickets for.

                As Bellamy got in his car, he paused with the keys close to the ignition. Resting his arms on the steering wheel, he fingered through the keys on the ring until he found Clarke’s apartment key. She’d given it to him when she and Lexa had moved in – insurance in case either one of them got locked out. He ran his thumb over the smooth, silvery key, lost in time and memories. With a grimace he gripped the key with one hand and used the nail of his other thumb to prop open the circle. Once Clarke’s key had caught the gap, he twisted her key off the ring and threw it into the storage compartment in his Corolla – underneath the radio.

                He quickly put his keys into the ignition and pulled away, unable to look back in case Clarke was watching form her window.

.o.o.

                By the time Bellamy got home, it was close to noon, and he noticed that Echo’s car wasn’t in the driveway. He exhaled roughly after turning the car off, resting his head on his hands against the steering wheel. He didn’t’ know how long he’d stayed like that before he was startled by a knock on his window. Looking up sharply, he saw Echo leaning over a familiar glint in her eye. He looked away, before slowly opening the door – careful not to hit her in the process.

                ”I just dropped your sister off at her car. I told her you were still sleeping. Get inside.” Echo turned away sharply and into the house – struggling only briefly with the old lock on house. Bellamy took a deep breath before looking up. His mother had left him the house when she died – so that he and O would always have someplace to stay. Octavia had never been happy here after her death, and had lived on campus or with Raven since graduating. But at this point in his life it was his, and he’d expected to grow old here, and share his life here. Recently, he’d been expecting that person to be Echo. She was hot-tempered, and cruel – but she loved with everything she had, and she’d welcomed his rag-tag family to her with only one reservation.

                Clarke.

                And now he had to tell her that his onetime mistake had just happened again. And that he couldn’t promise it wouldn’t keep happening.

                God – he knew he was an absolute piece of shit. He knew it, and he knew his mother had tried to raise him better than this. Bellamy was afraid to walk into his own house and confront the demons of his own making. Taking quick steps up the front stairs he followed his girlfriend into the house they called _their_ home.

                He’d barely shut the door when he saw the glimmer of glass fly past his head, and he flinched when he heard who-knows-what shattered against the wall.

                “You were with her, you fucking dip-shit! You couldn’t stay away from her for more than a month!?” More glass flew past his head and he heard the crash as he stepped forward wincing, “ _NO!_ You don’t come near me. I swear to GOD, Bellamy. I have spent the last _year_ of my life on you. I should have fucking _known_.”

                The rage was plain on her face, her nostrils flaring, and she grabbed another glass plate from the counter – holding it in front of her to stop his movements forward.

                “I could have fucking ruined her the last time – told everyone what cheating cunts you both were, but you _promised me!_ You fucking bastard, you _promised_ you would walk away from her. I understand that she’s your sister’s friend – that she would be around. But you were supposed to stay away. _God!_  I wish I had – I wish I had turned every last person away from her.”

                This time Echo hit her mark – the plate hit him in the chest. A piece of glass chipped and cut his lip, as the rest fell to the floor at his feet. Bellamy closed his eyes and looked to the floor – he’d deserved that. He deserved everything that she’d given him the last month. She moved quietly as she approached him, and grabbed his chin between her fingers harshly.

                “Now you listen to me, Bellamy Blake. You are done with her. You are going to continue with my timeline, and you _will_ propose to me in two weeks on our anniversary, and we will have the perfect – _perfect_ – marriage. And after today you will never see her again. _Do you understand me?!_ ” Echo glared into his eyes and waited until he made direct eye contact – waiting for his nod before releasing his face. She turned away in disgust, “Take that bitch back her key – don’t pretend you don’t still have it – and get back here. Consider yourself lucky I haven’t already started calling your friends. I can start crying any minute.”

                If Bellamy were to take bets, he’d guarantee that she had no emotion as she spoke. He blamed himself for the change in Echo – before he’d cheated, they’d been happy if not for the little arguments about how close he’d been with Clarke.

                To be truly honest with himself, Bellamy had started falling for Clarke years ago. At first, she was this untouchable dream – a stupid crush that would never be realized. But then he got to know her, his sister got him to trust her, and she had insinuated herself into his life. An immovable fixture that he couldn’t imagine not having in his life.

                Bellamy closed his eyes, shaking the past away with a lone tear that escaped him. Echo was right. He could never make it right with her if he was clinging to Clarke – he was just a liability. If he held on much longer, they could both lose the family they’d created for themselves. Steeling himself, he turned and walked out. Ready to come clean to Clarke – if only to save them both.

.o.o.

                He’d probably driven by the entrance to Clarke’s apartment complex ten times, and tried calling her just as many. Bellamy cringed at his own cowardice. All he had to do was go back and tell her everything. Beg for time and forgiveness for what he had to do next. It was after three by the time he got the courage to pull in and park in front of her building.

                Bellamy was just getting out of his car when he heard the loud foot fall of someone running down the concrete stairs. He’d barely looked up before he felt the hit of fists on his chest. He caught the small wrists in his hands with a wince – the pain ringing in his freshly bruised chest – and looked down into Raven’s face.

                “You’re such a fucking asshole Blake! What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?!” Bellamy could see the anger in her eyes, but it was masking a deep hurt. It wasn’t the same anger he saw everyday in Echo, and he couldn’t quite place it – he opened his mouth to speak before Raven cut him off – yanking her fists out of his hands, “You’ve already fucked with Clarke’s head enough today don’t you think? God – you’ve already lied to the rest of us for this long, right? Leave her alone – go back to your girlfriend. Just… leave her alone.”

                Raven looked away as she finished, the anger had creeped out of her voice as she spoke, her hand coming up and tracing the air above his freshly cut lip. She looked at him with sad eyes, “Bell,” she closed her eyes unhappily before looking back up at him, “Just don’t let this hurt us okay?” She gave him a quick hug before walking briskly to her car and driving away.

                Bellamy watched her leave, before turning and running up the stairs. He stopped when he got to her door, reaching for his keys – fumbling to find the right one. The groan ripped from his lips as he remembered removing it only hours before. He pulled his phone out and called Clarke again, as he turned and ran back to his car. He’d finally dug the key out of the center console when his phone rang again – desperate, he picked up before noticing the caller ID.

                “Clarke – thank god. I’ve been calling you – I’m outside. I told Echo everything and she – well, she said she’d giving me another chance. But I need to talk to you. Last night – please, come to the door. I’m coming up now, okay?” He could hear the desperation in his voice as he got out of the car slamming the door behind him. “Clarke – are you there? Say something, please.”

                The voice that spoke was slow, deliberate as they spoke, “Bellamy. This isn’t Clarke – I, “ he heard his sister’s disbelieving release of air caught his breath, “I knew something was up. I just… I wanted to check on you since I didn’t see you this morning. God – I can’t fucking – Jesus Bell – I’ve got to go make sure Echo’s okay. You’re such a dick. Mom would be ashamed.”

                The silence pulled everything out of him, and he looked up at Clarke’s window – he tried dialing her again only to get her voicemail. He shoved his phone in his back pocket and got into his car. He put Clarke’s key back in the center console, swearing that he’d call and talk to her after getting to Octavia. If he knew anything about his sister – he knew that she could be mercenary. And who knew what Echo would put in her ears if given half the chance.

.o.o.

                Bellamy had tried calling Clarke twice on the drive back to his house with no answer. He was desperate but losing hope. He’d pulled over when Raven called, “Rae – please just listen – “

                “Bellamy listen – I was a bitch to you and worse to her. I don’t know – Just Finn – and this whole thing felt too much like history repeating itself to be real.“ Raven’s voice sounded pained and tinny in his ear.

Bellamy remembered exactly what she was talking about. He was in his second year of grad school when Octavia came home on a rare night. She had had a crush on the boy that Clarke had started dating and felt bad about it – wanted to give her space at their sorority house without making moon eyes. Octavia eventually got over it as Clarke had gotten more and more involved with the boy – moved on to another fling of the week. Clarke had even started bringing him around when their rag-tag group went out. He was a charmer for sure – but Bellamy had never gotten on with him.

He wasn’t sure if his distrust had come from Finn himself or how close he was to Clarke. But when Raven appeared on campus and thrown herself in his arms, he’d immediately gone to Clarke. She’d called him a liar – told him that making up lies about someone just because you don’t like them was a, ‘dick move,’ and he’d let it go for a while. Told himself that she’d believe him or not – it was her choice.       

But then he’d actually met her, Raven, when he’d taken his crap Corolla in because he was going through oil faster than he should – and couldn’t figure out why. She was at the front desk of the mechanic’s shop, and just smiled and walked out and popped his hood. He remembered her wiping the oil from her hands with a rag a few hours later, smiling. She’d told him it would hold and had saved him probably $900 in getting anything rebuilt. She was funny and honest, and before he left he told her that he’d seen her the other day on campus.

That’s when Raven had told him that she’d moved here to be with her high school sweetheart – a guy named Finn – and how he was her only family left. Bellamy’s heart broke for the girl. He’d invited her to come to their ‘family’ movie night. He’d warned her though, that she might not like what she saw – but she’d just laughed. Before he left he told her that no matter what, she had a place in their family.

She’d been an hour late when she finally knocked on the door. But the truth had come out. Raven had been angry at Clarke first, but they’d both blamed Finn – dumped him on the spot – and after a while, the girls had become friends. Now, they said they lost dead weight, and got each other out of the deal.

Raven spoke up again, louder than before, “I guess I just don’t understand Bell – you hated him because of what he did to us – why, why would you do that to Echo? I thought, well… it doesn’t matter what I thought. What matters is that I was a shitty friend to her back there. God – I basically blamed her. I know, I’d thought you guys had feelings for each other years ago –  but then with Lexa, and then Echo. The only thing I don’t understand is why you lied. Even if you’d wanted to work it out with Echo – why lie about why you and Clarke were fighting – at least to me. I would have been mad for a while. But you know me –“

“Flash lighting, right?” Bellamy smiled sadly – remembering a joke from years ago. Raven laughed stiffly. “But Rae – god, I really fucked this up. The first time, I knew I’d fucked up. I told Echo and she forgave me – but, Jesus. The last month has been hell. It started small but,” He took a deep breath as he steeled himself. He’d barely admitted to himself how bad it had gotten. She’d been careful not to hit too hard, never to leave too dark a bruise. “It’s been getting worse – and Rae. I’m so afraid that she’s right. What if – what if she’s right? She says she can take you away – and god. I believed her.”

“Fuck – Bellamy, you’ve got – we’re here. You have family – you didn’t let me forget that, and I won’t let you... I don’t envy you when O finds out – she’ll give you hell – but she’ll kill Echo. Just, be honest yeah? No more lies? We love you so much Bell.”

Bellamy’s face contorted, “Fuck Rae – she called earlier. I didn’t check, and I thought it was Clarke. She’s on her way to the house, I’ve got to talk to her before. Before she does something stupid, says something stupid to Clarke.”

He could almost hear her Raven’s grimace through the phone, “Go Bell – Call me later. I – God. We’ll go to Clarke’s tomorrow yeah? Maybe we can try and – not fix it, we can’t take it back – but we can try?”

Bellamy nodded, catching himself when he realized she couldn’t see her nodding, “Yeah Rae – we can try.” He hung up quickly and got back on the road, driving towards the house.

.o.o.

                When he’d pulled into the driveway, Bellamy tried calling Clarke again – he’d left things horribly this morning and today had gone to shit. He really just wanted his best friend. He wanted to go back, to not have ruined everything. He wanted to kiss her too – take away the guilt and the shame he knew she must be feeling. But all that would do would make things worse.

                This time when he got her voicemail, he left a message – praying that she would check her phone soon, “Raven just called. Said you told her everything. I can’t blame you. It was shitty of me to expect, fuck – no, to hope that we’d get over this. But – Jesus Clarke – I love her. I was going to fucking propose, and – “ A knock on his car window startled him from his thoughts, turning he saw Octavia outside on the passenger side, murder in her eyes, “No – yeah, hang on.” Octavia’s knocking got more persistent, “I’ll be back in a minute!”

                Bellamy looked away and tried to finish the voicemail as quickly as possible, “You know I love you, right Clare? I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right with her. I – I gotta go. We can try and talk again on Monday. I’ve got to tell Echo before she hears it from anyone else.”

                And for the first time in a month, Bellamy felt strong enough to tell Echo the truth. Clarke might not love him the same way – she might not have the same feelings, but he can’t imagine he day when she’d hit him, or belittle him, or throw a plate at his head. Clarke might not be his, but he sure as hell wasn’t Echo’s.

                Bellamy opened the car door, and got out, hands up towards his sister, “Now, O – you need to listen to me for a minute – “

                “Like hell I do – You’re-,” Octavia cut him off harshly, the look in her eyes almost mercenary. And suddenly, Bellamy couldn’t take it anymore.

                “Octavia, I’m a grown man. I’ve done stupid things – I know that well enough. Now let me alone long enough to fix it!” It’d had been years since Bellamy had raised his voice to his sister. And he left her there. Gaping as he turned and fled into the house.

.o.o.

                Octavia was confused. Pissed off and confused about what had just happened. She’d been talking with Echo for the last hour. Comforting the crying woman for an hour while Echo told him what an idiot she’d been. Bellamy and Clarke – she’d thought they might be a thing when they were all still in college, after Finn – but then Clarke had met Lexa during her semester abroad and Octavia had stopped noticing the lingering glances. Obviously, she’d been an idiot. She wasn’t surprised when she started to hear raised voices from inside the house.

                Bellamy was why Clarke and Lexa had ended – Lexa had caught them for god’s sake. And Clarke had lied to her – the one thing Octavia couldn’t stand was a liar. Clarke had made her believe that everything in the last month was on Lexa – that Clarke had been the good guy in everything, with the way that they’d seen Lexa with Costia that day when she, Raven and Clarke had gone to the mall (obviously stress shopping – it eases all sorts of heartache.) Octavia could remember the pain in Clarke’s eyes when she saw Lexa kiss the other girl in the food court – laughing over frozen yogurt in the food court. The trio had left soon after.

                The brunette shook her head – no, there’s no way everything was a lie. Octavia turned her head to the clouds – there was only a little daylight left. She’d been so worried when Raven texted her earlier – She’d called Clarke three times with no answer. So, she’d called her brother – he would’ve made sure she got home safely last night. But – she’d jumped to conclusions when he’d thought she was Clarke calling. Obviously, something happened, and then Echo made everything seem so clear. She felt stupid, and hurt, and angry. So, she took her anger out on Clarke. She’d called her things you can’t take back. Groaning – she turned and leaned back against her brother’s car. She’d wait. For now.

                Well, she would have waited if it hadn’t been for the crash she heard coming from inside the house.

.o.o.

                When Bellamy slammed the door, he wasn’t surprised to see Echo sitting on the couch – surrounded by used Kleenex. He was still so angry, and he couldn’t stop himself as he approached her stopping short of arms reach, before pacing back towards the door. Bellamy heard his own voice without even knowing what he was saying, “What the fuck did you tell my sister? What the fuck have you been putting in her head?!”

                Echo’s smirk looked out of placed on her tear stained face, “Only the truth, that you were weak. That she led you with promises. That she only wanted you to take you away from me.” Echo’s voice raised slightly with each word, “But you came to me. You’d told me the truth. And I took you back – because I love you. And you _will_ love me. Do you understand that? You.” She stood slowly, “Are.” She bent down to grab the crystal bowl his mother had cherished, “Mine.”

                Bellamy’s disgust showed on his face as she spoke. He couldn’t believe that she would go this far, “Echo – don’t. Don’t touch that bowl or I swear to god.”

                “What, Bellamy? What will you do? God – you are such a bitch. You let that blonde slut walk all over you for years! Years! And you finally can be happy. She’ll be gone soon enough, and you’re worried about a stupid bowl?” Echo’s face geared up with annoyance, “You know what – fuck you Blake. Fuck you, because you know I’m the only one who will give a shit about you with her hanging around.”

                And she threw it.

                It slammed into the front door, completely destroyed as shards fell to the floor. Bellamy didn’t know what hurt more, that he was finally seeing the woman in front of him for who he was – or the loss of the only thing his mother loved enough to keep when they’d had nothing. She’d sold so much to put food on the table – but never that stupid, ugly bowl. And now it was gone – like her.

                He was vaguely aware of Octavia storming in the house, seconds later, but all he could do was stare in shock at the bowl on the floor. With shaking hands, he did the only thing he could think in that moment. He called Clarke.

                “Clarke,” Bellamy felt his voice come back to him slowly – even as he heard Echo scream from across the room, telling him to put his fucking phone down, “No, I’m calling her now – just stop. Okay.”

                He turned his attention back to the phone before continuing, “I can fix this, but – God. I was so stupid. For so long I thought we were this epic thing, you know? But the truth is that we made the biggest mistake of our lives just by being in this perfect storm of us. But – we’re not kids anymore Clarke. We can’t fool ourselves into being something we’re not. I think I’ve loved you for so long, that –“

It was Octavia who interrupted this time, but he didn’t listen long enough to hear what she was saying, “Shut up O, I can handle this – that I wanted so desperately for it to be more than it was. I was in love with you. But there was always someone else for you, you know? So I let go, and I found Echo – and fucking hell – you know she said she understood? She said that I broke her trust, but she’d always known that I loved you. I thought we were done right then –“

Bellamy took a deep breath before he continued. He knew this wasn’t something that should be said on the phone – that maybe she might not even listen to this. But he had to get it out. “–but I begged, and pleaded, and she gave me another chance. I mean – she threatened to cut my balls off – but that’s to be expected.”

Bellamy felt himself laugh at the mockery the fates had dealt him. Yesterday, he’d accepted that the last month was what the rest of his life looked like, but now? He thought he saw a glimmer of hope, “But Clarke – I can’t. I mean, god this is hard for me to say… but…”

He wasn’t sure how it happened. But Bellamy suddenly realized the phone wasn’t in his hands anymore. Octavia had pulled it from his hands, as she put a hand on his cheek – a small smile on her face. She paused before turning back to Echo, pointing at the door with her free hand, “Just get the fuck out of our lives.”

Echo sneered at the siblings as she grabbed her bag from the sofa, knocking the phone to the ground as she shoulder-checked Octavia at the door – and finally leaving.

Phone forgotten, Octavia turned back to her brother – finally looking at his face steadily, “We need to talk.”

.o.o.

                Bellamy had told himself for the last year that Echo meant only the best for him – that she loved him. The last month wouldn’t have happened if not for his own infidelity. He’d always heard that it wasn’t easy to admit that you had been a victim of abuse. He’d believed it, as much as someone can who’d never experienced it. Even harder when someone had convinced themselves that they deserved what was happening to them – that the person who was supposed to love them berated and belittled  them until they believed all the bad about them. Standing up for himself had never seemed to be an option, because he hadn’t realized he’d needed to do it.

                He wasn’t sure how long the two sat there, in silence. Alternating between staring at each other, the floor and the broken crystal by the door.

                “I thought she loved me,” he heard his own voice in the quiet, sounding as broken as he was starting to feel. Bellamy didn’t even know he was crying until the tears hit his hands. And then his sister was holding him – and they cried together until they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on tumblr. bellarke-trashcan  
> I got sent home sick from work today and wrote both of these in one sitting. I was planning to sit on chapter two - but have already started on chapter three... so what the hell.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr. bellarke-trashcan  
> I'M BACK BITCHES!


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